Sometimes I Miss the Cold War

If there was a cold war...

Kingdomality

I am often bombarded with baseless accusations that, were I to travel through time to the medieval era, I would be stuck as some sort of squire or perhaps, even a page. "Not so!" I cry, yet lack the evidence to prove them wrong. I recently took the "Kingdomality" personality test online and discovered that, if I had lived then:

Your distinct personality, The Discoverer, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Your overriding goal is to go where no one else has ever gone before. Regardless of the number of available natural problems to be solved, it is not unusual for you to continually challenge yourself with new situations or obstacles that you have created. You are an insatiable explorer of people, places, things and ideas. You thrive on constant change and anything new or different. On the positive side, you can be creatively rational as well as open minded and just. On the negative side, you might be an impractical and indecisive procrastinator. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

Bliss

The last time I posted was ten days before my wedding. Since then, I've received no small amount of flack from erstwhile friends and well-wishers who hope for me to post some kind of update. Well, here we are. I bow down to your demands. I am well. I am good. I am great. Honestly, I can't think of a time when I've ever been happier. Being married is more than just having a new, gorgeous roommate, it's an experience I can't quite describe yet. Yes, there are the standard words for happiness, and I could throw them all at you, giving you some small amount of understanding, but it does not seem like enough. There are times when one might claim that "words fail" but for me, here, they do. I love my wife more than I can say. I am happy beyond mere adjectives.

Me and Mrs. Jones

I'm sure that many of you are familiar with my venerable vehicle, Mrs. Jones. The good Mrs. is a 1989 Toyota Camry. She and I have had our share of wacky adventures, she was severely beat up during the filming of CTU: Provo, and broken into once. Things were still good though, until this last summer. The air conditioning totally failed. This was enough to drive a wedge between us. There were many muttered complains as the sweat oozed down my forehead, and onto my glasses. But now, I regret my words said to her in anger and haste. You see, on Saturday, Mrs. Jones was diagnosed as undriveable. There had been a strange knocking lately whenever I'd hit the brakes, she veer wildly to the side for no reason. I took her to a mechanic and it turns out that she is in need of costly repairs. So costly in fact, that it's been decided that I should rather purchase another car rather than repair Mrs. Jones. So, it looks like the end of another relationship, just before my wedding. So long, Mrs. Jones.

Concern for Industry

People often stop me on the street and ask, "Jeff, I find your blog endlessly fascinating. But one thing wraps my mind up in such questions that I am unable to function as a human being. Indeed, I have soiled myself nigh unto eight times this morning alone! I must ask! What industry are you involved in, exactly?" These people I usually kick in the shin or buy them a taco. If they don't know the answer, I'm certainly not going to tell them. Or you. Ha!

Buffalo

Recently, while perusing Google Analytics. I was compelled to look at the section that details where all of the people who look at my blog live. I was surprised to find that a good portion of recent visits had come from Buffalo, New York. I don't know anyone who lives there, and I cannot think of a compelling reason that an average Buffaloan would read my blog. Therefore, I have come to this conclusion: I have a celebrity stalker. This is not to say that I consider myself a celebrity. Rather, my stalker IS a celebrity. I looked up a list of famous people from Buffalo. That's when it all clicked into place. I've often spoken of my distaste for CNN's Wolf Blitzer. I find him vaguely annoying and can't stand to watch him for more than a few minutes. I've said this aloud many times, but little did I know that it would get back to him. Alas, it did, and now I have a Wolf problem. I'm sure he's reading up on me and plotting his revenge, sitting in his Situation Room, wringing his hands in anticipation, waiting for the right time to strike.

The Six Random Things You Meet in Heaven

Laurel tagged me. I'm not overly comfortable with people commanding me to say things, but in this case, I shall. The tag requires me to state six random things about myself. Very well, here you go.

1. I have never been to Belgium.
2. My freshman year roommate shot me in the neck.
3. My first words after being safe after a potentially lethal car accident were "I'm hungry, let's get some food."
4. I hate monkeys. I don't fear them. I hate them.
5. I have not worn corduroy pants since Kindergarten, when my mom made me wear them and I was embarrassed.
6. I once saw Pierce Brosnan at Disneyland